The Gift of Giving to Others

During the month of December we’re bombarded with commercials, emails, and endless posts that advertise the joy of giving to others. The perfect smile on your boyfriend’s face when he opens that new watch or shoebox. The excitement in the eyes of your nephew when he get’s the latest and greatest toy. The touch of endearment from grandma when she opens her color-coordinated cardigan and mittens set. The sentiment is great, but something of that joyful giving feeling seems to get lost in translation. Instead, we’re stressed about buying enough presents, having enough money, and giving enough to those we love. Those aren’t exactly joyful feelings.

If you’ve found yourself more stressed about gifts than excited to give, you’re not alone. It’s easy to get wrapped up in the holiday excitement and planning, but often we find ourselves overcommitted to obligations with little room for real joy during the holiday season. But, with a few small shifts in perspective, you can reclaim the joy in giving this holiday season without going into debt.

Why do we give?

Especially during the holidays, reasons can range from a sense of obligation to a true desire to do something nice for those you love. If you’re struggling with stress, start with your why. Are you giving because you want to? Or because you feel like you have to?

When we truly desire to give, it sparks something in us. It’s easy to get excited about an idea for a present or imagine the joy we can bring someone we love. That’s generous giving.

Giving out of generosity vs. giving out of obligation

Giving is an act best done out of generosity instead of obligation. Giving out of generosity reflects awareness, intention, and value based-giving. It is giving without want or need for acknowledgement, reciprocation, or favors. Generous giving does not give to get, and it is not forced - it is truly a gift. Giving generously is a craft that requires time and thought. That’s why it feels so good to give generously. On the other hand, that’s why it feels so good to receive gifts from people who truly want to give. It is a choice to give something freely out of love. 

But, let’s face it, we’ve all dealt with the feeling of obligation to buy someone a gift. Sometimes it can be pressured on us or even necessary due to tradition, culture, or other expectations. And beyond that, especially if you’re struggling financially, holidays can bring on a sense of not-enoughness. You feel like you won’t be able to live up to the expectations of giving to those you love. Not only is joy nowhere to be found, feelings of financial stress and FOMO set in.

So, what do you do with these feelings of obligation?

Start by examining the obligation. Is it self-imposed? Is it something you have always done and feel awkward changing? If you do change, who will judge you? Journal, meditate, or otherwise take time to reflect on where your obligation comes from.

Then ask, “How can I better give to myself in this situation?”

If you have a tradition of exchanging gifts with your family every year, but usually go into debt putting gifts on your credit card, it might be time for examination. You could find that, while there is a sense of obligation to give your family gifts, you do still want to participate. However, you can better give to yourself by setting a Christmas budget early, choosing to give handmade gifts, or sitting down and discussing budget expectations beforehand with your family. Or maybe you shake things up and recommend a secret gift exchange in place of the individual presents tradition. Get creative!

Examine your own obligations and reclaim some of your holiday joy. It’s not about the gift after all, but the value of giving.

Value-based Giving

What do you value most at the holidays? Mindfully reflect on what matters to you. Is it giving your time to serve? Is it spending time with family and friends? Is it practicing minimalism? Is it a religious tradition? Is it making new traditions? 

When you truly understand what you value at the holidays, you can use it as a guide to giving. Remember, giving generously reflects your awareness, intentions, and values. So what do you value so much it’s worth sharing with those you love? What feels good to give? Pick gifts that align with who you are and you’ll find joy in giving them. You might be surprised to find what you value giving has little to do with spending.

Emotional Gifts 

Beyond physical gifts, giving generously is an attitude that can hugely impact our relationships of all kinds. Giving is just as much about emotional gifts as it is about traditional presents. Giving generously and authentically could mean setting time aside to bake a family recipe with your mom. Or maybe it’s throwing a great holiday party to spend time with your closest friends who feel like family. Giving could be listening attentively to your partner’s concerns and trying to understand their point of view, even when you don’t agree. It might be an extra dose of patience with your kids or coworkers. Giving emotional gifts can be just as valuable and heartfelt as physical gifts. 

Giving without spending 

Free emotional gifts you can give those you love at the holidays:

• Your time
• Your undivided attention
• Your love
• Your curiosity
• Your patience

If you’re struggling financially, or just stressed about giving “enough,” shifting your perspective to giving valuable emotional gifts can help. When we focus on the value we give those we love, rather than questioning whether we’re giving “enough,” it brings a sense of joy back to giving. When you give gifts that align with who you are and what you value, you’re giving back to yourself too.

Focus less on obligations and spending and more on what you value giving. When you do feel obligated, take time to examine the obligation and figure out where it comes from. Reflect on what you actually feel obligated to give and how you can give better to yourself. Even though your financial situation may feel limiting, you might just find a renewed sense of joy and a reawakening of your giving spirit.

Follow me on Instagram or Facebook/Let's Talk Financial Health for more mindful money strategies. 

If you want to learn about mindful spending strategies, read this post I wrote for my local therapy directory, Sac Wellness, in 2019. 

Photo by Liza Summer from Pexels