The Power of Financial Rhythm In Relationships

Relationships start with all sorts of excitement, fireworks, and butterflies. But over time, the chaos subsides, and we find a natural rhythm to life with the people we love. If you’ve been in a romantic relationship for a while, you likely have a rhythm to how you and your partner communicate, spend time together, and go about everyday life. You can use this same idea of rhythm to deal with financial stress as a couple too.

Harnessing the Power of Rhythm in Relationships

Our relationships grow as we learn how to deal with stress and navigate emotions with our partners in better ways. But dealing with stressful situations isn’t always easy, and often leads to conflict with people we love. Just like we learn to communicate and work with our partners in day-to-day life, we can also harness this power of rhythm intentionally in our relationships to deal with stress in more productive ways. 

Even small rhythm shifts can have big benefits. For example, if you find yourself frustrated, overwhelmed, or reactive with your partner, one of the easiest ways to bring rhythm back into your relationship is to take a few moments to breathe before responding. If you make a habit of taking a few deep breaths whenever you feel emotionally overwhelmed, you can take a moment to process and change the rhythm of your communication. Deep breathing is a great way to develop a more mindful rhythm because focused deeper breathing slows the mind down. Slowing down your mind makes you feel more in control, less impulsive, and less like your mind is running away from you. 

Using Rhythm to Deal With Financial Stress as a Couple

One of the most challenging stressors in romantic relationships today is money. It’s no coincidence that finances are cited as a leading cause of divorce, if not a major contributing factor to arguments and conflict. Money is hard to talk about, especially when we’re in the middle of financial stress. Whether we realize it or not, we already have a financial rhythm. If you’ve noticed a pattern of struggling to talk to your partner about money or resolve conflict with your finances, you’re not alone. However, there are simple ways you can start harnessing the power of rhythm to deal with financial stress in your relationship in better ways. You don’t need to wait until you and your partner are more financially stable, making more money, or have less going on in life. You can start today, right where you’re at. 

How to Build Financial Rhythm in Your Relationship 

One of the best ways to begin building a more purposeful financial rhythm with your partner is with a monthly money date. Finding time to sit down with your partner away from stress to talk about money together can help you understand each other better and get on the same page. Money is tough to talk about and conversations get emotionally charged when we’re in the middle of stress. A better way to communicate about money is to pick a time when both parties are in a good mindset and open to listening to each other’s points of view. 

Financial rhythm in your relationship is about understanding each other and building together. Financial intimacy is so many things but mostly it is being seen, heard, and acknowledged by your partner (and your partner by you) so that your money stories don't derail what you and your partner want to achieve together. It is cultivating a safe space to communicate, explore, and be accepted for all of the vulnerable parts of your past. 

Here are some tips for building a monthly money date with your partner and using rhythm to deal with financial stress as a couple. 

How to Set a Monthly Money Date:

1. Pick a time that you and your partner can sit down without distractions and talk calmly and openly in a low stimulation environment. 
2. Make sure you both come to the conversation in a good mindset and free of HALTS. Make sure neither of you are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired, or Stressed. Check-in and ask “is this still a good time for you?”
3. Frame the conversation. What do you want to discuss, plan, or accomplish in your monthly money date? 

As you frame the conversation and find the financial rhythm in your relationship, continue exploring your money values together. What does transparency mean for you? Even if you don’t share an account, set the parameters of comfort. What are your natural strengths and how can you build on them? Balance the power. One person may make more or have a more lucrative career where they need support to get there. Name that! The other may make or work less but carry the "invisible" load, ultimately helping the other succeed. It's not about the numbers. Consider division of labor as well. And lastly, don’t forget to dream together. Make a habit of visualizing and planning your successful financial future together. What does it look like? And how can you naturally shift the financial rhythm in your relationship to get there?

If you’d like to explore the power of rhythm in your relationship and in your finances, I’d love to hear from you. Or, check out my Couples Money Date Prompt for more ways to build a financially healthy relationship.

Photo by Nishant Aneja: https://www.pexels.com/photo/woman-holding-rope-2527565/